Bobby Schlagel
Mrs. Boresen
Expos. Writing, Per. 6
Winter Break Narrative
13 January 2009
My friends are one of the most important parts of my life. No matter the time or place, I can always rely on my closest companions to make me laugh and make me happy. No better time to hang out with my friends was over winter break, and that is exactly what I did. One particularly exciting time was New Year’s Eve. Through the extreme Cranium playing and the excessive sparkling cider drinking, I had a wonderful time.
As New Year’s Eve was approaching, my friend Aaron decided to have a party that day with the cross country team. From the moment he invited me I was excited and I knew I would have fun. The holiday came and soon enough I rang the doorbell to his house to enter the party. Most of the cross country team was there already either sitting around and talking or playing video games. As the party went on we decided to play a board game, the favorite being Cranium. My team lost quickly to the undefeated team consisting of Aaron, Donny, and Buckie. Although the lose was not going to let me down and soon the party shifted from answering cards and rolling dice, to a dance-off. The teams consisted of Michael, Donny, and Aaron, against Buckie, Mario, and me. I agree that the opposing team did bring the heat, but in the end, my team took home the gold. However, ask the other team and they may have a different opinion. Following the dance-off it soon was time to get ready for midnight. I grabbed the sparkling cider, poured out twelve perfectly equal amounts, and handed them to the team. The anticipation grew as midnight came closer. Finally the time arrived and we drank our cider. Moments from 2008 rapidly filled my mind and I quickly realized I had less than a semester left of high school. It was a bittersweet moment but I did not get down about it, after all, I am quite excited to leave Johnstown and go to college. The party ended and mostly everyone returned to their homes. I, however, spent the night at Aaron’s house and slept until twelve the next day.
New Year’s Eve quickly came and went, but I had a great time. Through this experience I realized the friendships that I grew during the last four years, and how much little time I had left with the people I so much enjoyed being with. After all, that New Year’s Eve may have been the last New Year’s Eve I will have with the cross country team.
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I like how your essay used transitions well, had a focus, anf focused on grammar. I don't think that narrative writing is your strongest writing area so I am excited to see what you will do with a structured essay.
ReplyDeleteAudience and purpose: 3.2
Format:4
TOtal 45/50 90%
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ReplyDeleteYou did a good job with organizing your writing. I can relate to your story because high school really does seem to be passing quickly. The best part of your story was when you told about the dance-off because the image of it is funny. I also liked how you transitioned from one thing to another. I think you seem to be more of a long essay kind of writer but you still wrote a strong paper. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteWhile reading your essay, I was very much entertained throughout the whole thing. You kept me wanting to read more. You have a very good word choice during the whole essay. I think the best part was reading that there was a dance off that only had boys in it.
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ReplyDeleteOverall I think your piece was written well You used transitions very well, and the narrative realed seemed to flow. However, I think the middle paragraph could've been seperated into two paragraphs. I relate to this because I'm a senior too and I'm also feeling bittersweet about leaving.
ReplyDeleteI think you did really good with your writing. I can relate to you on this because i too hung out with my friends on new years. I also liked your story because it was very creative and unique. The only thing i would suggest is using better sentence starters.
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